Reframing Needs & Reclaiming Your Right to Take Up Space
There’s a question I hear all the time, in sessions, in circles, in quiet conversations with women who’ve spent a lifetime putting everyone else first…
“If I ask for what I need… does that make me needy?”
It’s usually asked with a nervous laugh, or a bit of shame wrapped in humour. But behind it is something real, a fear of being “too much.” A fear of being rejected. A fear of becoming that person. The one who’s labelled as demanding, difficult, or high-maintenance.
And I get it 100%. I’ve wrestled with that fear myself, many, many times.
Where That Fear Comes From
Most of us weren’t raised to feel safe with our needs. We were taught to be “low maintenance,” to make do, to keep the peace. Somewhere along the way, we absorbed this unspoken rule – If you need something, keep it to yourself, or risk being a burden.
It’s no wonder we grow into adults who feel guilty just for wanting connection, comfort, space, clarity, or tenderness. But the truth is that suppressing our needs doesn’t make us stronger. It makes us smaller.
You Are Not “Needy.” You Are Human.
Needs aren’t weaknesses. They’re signals from your body, your heart, your nervous system. They tell you what helps you feel safe, loved, grounded, and inspired.
Asking for what you need isn’t selfish, it’s sacred. It’s the foundation of all honest, connected relationships, including the one you have with yourself.
The work I do through counselling, self-discovery coaching, and my Know Your Needs Workshops, helps you explore and quantify your needs clearly. Because once you can define them, you can honour them. And once you honour them, you stop abandoning yourself just to keep the peace, and start communicating them to the people in your life.
From Shrinking… to Standing Tall
When we silence our needs, we often carry resentment, exhaustion, and disconnection. But when we learn to speak up with clarity and compassion, we create space for deeper connection and real, lasting intimacy.
This is especially transformational in couple’s work. When both people in a relationship feel safe to ask for what they truly need, without fear of being judged or dismissed.
It changes everything.
You get to be seen. You get to be heard. You get to take up space.
You Deserve to Feel Safe With Your Needs
If you’ve been made to feel like needing something makes you too much, I want to gently remind you of something….
Your needs are not an inconvenience. They are what’s inside your boundaries.
And you’re allowed to listen to them.
And let’s be honest, how can we even try to ask for what we need, when we are only clear about what we don’t need?
Let’s Talk About Your Needs
Whether you’re craving clarity in your relationships, more confidence in how you speak up, or just space to finally prioritise yourself—I’m here to help.
Check our “Know your Needs” Workshop in May 2025 for a chance to discover how to know and ask for what you need.
